I drove all day. I didn't see a single person.
It is hard not to become overwhelmed by the sense that I am adrift. I feel marooned. My thoughts stray endlessly to what has happened to the rest of the world's population, my friends, my family. Are they still alive?
I used to crave solitude. Now it is crushing. I have started talking to myself just to hear a human voice, just to hear noise. Otherwise the silence is deep and stark.
It rained this morning. The sound of it woke me out of my sleep. It rained hard as if the Earth was purging itself. I went and stood on the front step of my house watching it. When it had finished there was only the sound of water gurgling in the drains. I walked along the road kicking my bare feet through the rivers of rainwater. The air smelt fresh and clean.
Then I got into the car and drove. More radio stations have gone off air. I caught the faint signal of a foreign station. I couldn't tell what language it was broadcasting in as the reception came and went but I could tell that it was the voice of a woman. I'm not sure whether it is fake hope but she sounded desperate, as if she was calling out to somebody - perhaps to make contact with her. Several times I almost crashed the car trying to fine-tune the signal but it was like trying to catch the wind. I gave up but took a note of the frequency so that I could try again. Who knows?
In the late evening I got out of the car just before I turned to come home. I thought it would be good to take a photograph of my car on the road so that I could tell myself that I had company. The light was fading fast and I didn't focus my camera correctly. When I got home I found that the photograph was grainy and out of focus.
It seems that everything is just out of reach. It's as if the truth is close but I can't wrap my fingers around it. I can almost see it and feel it but it's just too far away.
It has almost been a week now.
